Today, we have a lot of things that we think of as our enemies; terrorists, pollution, global warming, the shrinking middle class, and many other issues are in the forefront as things that can cause us troubles. However, these are things that in many cases, we only have limited control over. Even though sometimes it might feel like things are out of control, friends and family can help during these uncertain times. However, if self-destruction is an issue for you, you may need help to stop. Even though you may not know it, you can in fact be your own worst enemy.

How many thoughts do you think go through your head at any one time? Countless, right? Do any of them subversively send you negative messages, such as, “I’m so fat,” or, “Mom was right. I’ll never amount to anything”? Maybe you’ve even been able to tell someone else they can do something or that you believe in them, but you can’t say the same for yourself.

You probably know someone with a very negative attitude who is constantly in the middle of some drama so that he or she is continually complaining. Things always “happen” to them, right? Maybe they have continual (and for the most part overblown) health issues, or some other “tragedy.” This type of victim mentality can lead to depression and physical illness. You probably also know someone who is continually optimistic no matter the circumstances.

The fact is, both of these people have learned how to behave as they do. The person who behaves negatively no matter the circumstances has learned this. The person who behaves positively no matter the circumstances has learned this, too. And if you want to, you, too, can learn how to behave positively and to treat yourself better in the process as well.

To change your behavior or actions, you have to change your thoughts. It’s likely that you’ve heard of this before, but it’s time to take a look at it again. It’s not just hype; it’s something that has been physically measured as a phenomenon. You, too, can have this if you believe and have a strong desire to accomplish it.

So first, forgive yourself for everything you ever thought you did wrong. That means EVERYTHING. This might take a while, but it’s worth it. (Remember, if you can forgive other people for what they’ve done — and likely you have — then you deserve the same.) Of course, if it’ll help, you can repeat affirmations to yourself so that you become accustomed to thinking about this desire to change. However, you also have to believe them. If you don’t, then this is just going to enhance your negativity. You have to get out of your victim mentality and remember that sometimes, life simply happens.

Next, check in every so often to listen to your “self talk.” As you do, you’ll likely hear your old phrases, such as, “I’m so fat,” or “I’ll never do anything right” pop up quite frequently. When you catch yourself saying one of these things, change the phrasing. You don’t have to lie to yourself, but you can say something like, “Well, that was a pretty nice outfit,” or something similar. Don’t lie (because just like with affirmations, you have to believe what you’re saying), but rephrase things as positively as you can and still make them true. When you do so, you’re going to instantly elevate your mood and bask in feeling that way. Take a moment to feel good and acknowledge that you do.

Guess what? Your body can’t tell the difference between an emotion based upon a real event or one that you’ve gone through in your head. Any accomplishment you make can work as a mood elevator, then. Don’t focus on someone else saying that you’ve done something well, either. Take the moment you know you’ve done something well and focus on the fact that you did just that. It’s helpful to stop at certain predestined times of day and just check in to see what you’re thinking. Do this at work and at home, too, because thoughts may be different when you’re in different environments. These thoughts are likely responsible for your present actions and circumstances.

One good way to help you change your thinking is to state a positive belief out loud. It’s like an affirmation, but you have to believe in it. Write something down that’s good for your future and that you truly do have a realistic chance at accomplishing. You can even phrase something so that it truly is true in a positive sense. For example, you could say, “I’m getting better and better at making positive changes in my life, every day.” As you go on, you can get more and more specific. For example, you can name specific things that you’re making positive changes with as you go on and begin to see results.

If you focus on small changes daily, you’re going to begin to improve gradually and over time, but steadily as well. Pretty soon, you’re not going to be able to miss the results, and it’s going to get easier, too. Soon, this type of behavior will become second nature. In the end, you can become both your own coach and your own best friend.

No matter who you are, you’re going to face difficult times in life. Sometimes things will be easier, and sometimes they’ll be harder, but there will be difficulties on occasion. This is to be accepted and even embraced. It’s helpful if we know how to soothe and cheer ourselves up so that we get through these difficult times. That doesn’t mean that we should never grieve or be sad, but it does mean that we should not wallow in continual negativity or self-pity. Make an effort to your own best friend and give yourself a peptalk when you need it. Hard times will come and go, but so will positive ones! And whichever you are currently experiencing, it’s good if you as your own best friend can be right there by your side cheering you on.

Kevin Sinclair is the publisher and editor of Be Successful News, a site that provides information and articles on how to succeed in your own home or small business.

We can’t avoid the headlines and magazine covers sporting photographs of the rich and famous are flaunted at supermarket checkouts. Celebrities seem to live glamorous, fairy tale lives.

Have you ever felt just a little bit jealous? Have you thought “I want what they’ve got”? Do you feel that you too deserve the fairy tale?

Let’s face it, we can dream our lives away, and it won’t make any difference. It is time for a dose of reality. Do you really want constant scrutiny in the media? Do you want every heart ache and every extra pound to be international news? Few people really would.

Perhaps you would be content to be a cut above the rest of the pack. In other words, successful enough to enjoy some glamour without becoming such a celebrity that your life becomes public property.

So, what do you have to do to become a cut above the rest? The following is a one week program designed to change your life. If you simply focus on one step every day you will experience a gradual transformation of your life.

1. Discover your life purpose. There is no point desiring to be an actor when your talent is in something else. It is important to become aware of your gifts and then find a purpose that makes use of them and fits well with your beliefs and values. Once you identify your purpose in life, you will have a compass that can guide you to true happiness. If you are hoping for prosperity and happiness but are wandering aimlessly through life, you may well be disappointed.

2. What are your values? It is important to know your own values because if your goals are not congruent with what you truly believe, you will find it difficult to succeed. Start by making a list of the five most important values you possess. Then compare your goals to this list. If they don’t agree, you may need to change your goals.

3. Address your needs. Shakespeare said “To thine own self be true.” To live authentically, you need to live with integrity. A part of this requires that you acknowledge your own needs and do what you can to meet them. When we have unmet needs, we can live unhappy, stressed lives. Some of your needs may not actually be good and rather than meet them, you may have to deal with them. For example, if you have the need to control others, that is a need best overcome. However, before you can deal with your needs you have to know what they are. List four needs that are most important to you. If you don’t do what you can to meet your needs, you can end up living a depressed and stressed life.

4. Discover your passions. Invest some time in finding out what makes your heart sing. In other words, what are you passionate about? Become enthusiastic about life. Let yourself be inspired.

5. Develop a strong inner life. Modern life is so busy that sometimes it is hard to find quiet time. However, this is essential if you want transform your life from the inside out. By regularly spending time in meditation or relaxing in nature, you will become more connected with your own spirit. Deep breathing can be very calming and help you release stress. Sometimes, you can get the same effect by sitting in a room with low lighting and enjoying classical music.

6. Acknowledge your strengths. Do you know what your strengths are? If you don’t, ask someone close to you. List three of your positive characteristics and be willing to share this list with friends. By simply acknowledging your strengths to yourself and others, you will grow in self confidence.

7. Be a giver. Contribute to the world. We are all connected to one another and when we help others we are, in turn, lifted up ourselves.

This is a simple seven day plan to improve your life. By simply working through these seven points, you can gain a winning edge. You simply have to desire to become a better person and be willing to see yourself through the eyes of other people.

Kevin Sinclair is the publisher and editor of My-Personal-Growth.com, a site that provides information and articles for self improvement and personal growth and development.

At one time or another most of us have failed at something we have attempted. We have been unsuccessful in achieving our intended goals with varying degrees, sometimes only narrowly and sometimes by a long chalk. The good thing to come out of failure is to use such experiences to become a stronger and better person.

Are you someone who can do this to help you get where you want to be? Are you really determined to accomplish your ambitions and turn this failure into a success story? How do you go about it? Well, it can be done by adopting a positive stance and engaging in enlightening self-talk. Here are four things you can do to ensure you stay motivated at times of disappointment.

“The only way is up” or “Things can’t possibly get any worse”

Do you feel like you are on a downward spiral? Well, don’t be too hard on yourself. When emotions such as disillusionment, embarrassment, a broken heart or times of self-doubt creep upon you, you have to remember you are only human. The problems arise when you have your finger on the self destruct button due to wallowing in this state of mind. Keep telling yourself that the only way to go from here is up. Use the fact that you have failed to make you motivated into embarking on the upward climb, look your past failure straight in the eye, get over it and move on telling yourself you have the opportunity to improve the next time.

When you keep your goal in mind and envisage reaching it you will soon find you are super charged in discovering ways to develop yourself. For instance if you need to improve at school, set yourself a regular study pattern and stick to it. If promotion at work is your plan, take classes in your own time to increase the skills required for the job. It does not matter what the failed task is about, you will always be able to use it to motivate you at some time in the future.

“Should I Change Direction?”

Have you reached a bit of a stalemate situation? If so, it may be easy to put right by taking a detour and heading towards your goal from a different direction. Re-assessment is necessary if things do not go according to plan. Review your situation, and make a new plan to get you on track and around the stalemate obstacle. The route you take may be different to the original plan but if it leads you to success, it really doesn’t matter.

“This does not have to be the end of the line”

As we said at the beginning, everyone experiences failure at some time or another. However, this does not have to be the end of the line, unless, of course, you allow it to be. You have to just think, you did your best, you messed up and even though it hurts for a while, once you have done your grieving get back on the journey of achieving your goals. Tell yourself that your level of motivation will get you where you want to be, put your thoughts into actions and get on with it.

Discover Kevin Sinclair’s system for making profits regardless of whether anyone joins your network marketing business.

For nine years Jeff worked for company G as an engineer. Flying airplanes was his first love. His job came in a close second place. That changed when Jeff met Judy. Their relationship quickly turned serious and they married.

When Jeff and Judy sat down to do financial planning as a couple, Judy learned Jeff’s salary was surprisingly low. With a human resource background, Judy knew the salary range for Jeff’s type of work, and what his credentials were worth. Jeff was seriously underpaid.

Jeff was shocked and somewhat crestfallen. His attitude was, I’m lucky to do what I love AND GET PAID for having fun! As Jeff began to understand his market value he felt betrayed. Had he been duped? Had he been a fool for years? Was his company taking advantage of him? He wanted to keep his job. Asking for a raise was painful. The idea of asking for a 30% raise was excruciating!

With a wife and future family it was time for Jeff to pay attention to his compensation. Jeff sat down to write out his request. He was flooded with anger, frustration, fear of hearing no ‘raise for you’, and possibly the prospect of looking for another job. He felt disloyal yet asking to be paid a fair marketplace value was good business, not disloyalty. With a tug of war going on in his head, Jeff stayed focused on the conversation that would impact his future.

When he sat down with his boss Jeff got to the point. “I have worked here for nine years. My reviews have consistently been good to great. I’ve worked in several departments and handled every task assigned to me, competently. I love my job and have been very happy working here. I feel I’m underpaid and I am requesting a raise of $xx,xxx. I realize that’s a 32% increase, however, I believe that’s what my value is at this time. I know you need time to talk with upper management. When can I expect an answer?”

Jeff’s boss was dumbfounded. Jeff was asking for seven times what their typical raise amount was, yet he sensed Jeff had a fresh understanding of his value and was dead serious. Jeff did not cloud his request with emotion, accusations, or justifications. Jeff did not threaten to leave if he did not get the raise. He stated his position and was specific about his needs.

Caught off guard, his boss simply said, “I hear you. Give me 48 hours to get you an answer.” The next 48 hours were agonizing for Jeff and Judy. Finally, Jeff was called into his boss’ office. “After careful consideration we are prepared to offer you $xx,xxx. That’s a 30.5% increase. Will that work?”

Now Jeff was dumbfounded. He was thrilled he had made the request. “Yes. That works fine. When will it start?” was Jeff’s response.

Jeff had newfound respect for himself and his credentials. He did what was right in his mind for his future. He had created an effective message. He spoke in words that were comfortable for him. Emotions could have derailed his request but Jeff was careful to check his statements against the one principle and edit out any ineffective comments. Negative messages can trigger resistance, or resentment. Jeff disliked conflict and was proud of his behavior.

We all live complicated lives. Using proven communication tools is easy when we simply get to know them. When we communicate effectively, we are able to omit ineffective tactics, knowing they are likely to foil our efforts.

Communicating well gives you an advantage. You can create outcomes that move your life forward and get your needs met consistently.

This is a true story. You too can address sensitive issues effectively. With one, easy to remember principle and ten communication skills, you can express your truth in your unique way, and know you said the right thing.

Kimberly Schenk has over 25 years experience in business. She created a simple communication method out of necessity. She shares her successful method with everyone who wants to see more of their needs met in her eBook, Mighty Mouth.Mighty Mouth

Today we will take a look at your attitude towards yourself and others. Most people have heard that a nice attitude in sales is like a craftsman with his toolbox. Imagine the painter who has all the colors and paint brushes, but does not know how to use them.

You can have the best tools, but if you are lacking a nice attitude you will get the same catastrophic results as the painter without his knowledge. A winning attitude is therefore really important to have if you want to succeed.

What is then attitude? Attitude is the combination of your thoughts, feelings and your action. Deficiency in one of them shows up as the weakest link, which creates a mediocre general result.

Let us use an example: We have Peter who works with sales. He has a strong action outwards, but thinks and feels negatively about himself as a sales person. The potential customer feels his negative attitude and denies the business deal. The customer is more likely drawn to a sales person with a winning attitude, since this makes the customer feel better and strengthens his belief of making the right choice.

Small margins like that makes certain people millionaires while others make nothing when the sell the same service or product. This is caused by your attitude, not luck as some might think.

Can you improve your attitude? Of course! Even if you have a negative attitude today you can change it to a winning attitude. Here are some exercises that can help you to create the winning attitude you want and need.

Exercises:

1. What kind of thoughts of yourself do you have?
2. Are they positive or negative?
3. Make sure you practice thinking positively in all situations
4. What kind of thoughts do you have about your customers (See step 1-3)
5. You can change your feelings with your thoughts. Think positively about something you feel negatively about, and change those feelings with your thoughts.
6. What about your action outwards? Do you act calmly or chaotic?
7. Make sure the customer feels comfortable with you all the time
8. Remember that everything is sales, whether you are a sales person or not. You sell an idea to your partner, manager, colleague, etc.

Write everything down on a piece of paper or on your computer. Writing down things makes them valid and your brain remember what you have written down much better than if you do not write them down. Continue then to write down what you want to change and your action plan, i.e. what you need to do, to change you thoughts and feelings. Follow this plan and you will soon get a winning attitude.

I hope you succeed in creating your own winning attitude!

Good Luck!

Hans Thorn has over 20 years of experience in personal development. He has helped hundreds of clients with success in areas like economy, health and relationships. Find out more at http://www.personalcoachingonline.com/blog/ or sign up for his Powerful Tips at http://www.personalcoachingonline.com