Most people think that memory lapses are for the hopelessly disorganized. This is because some have systems. For instance, the keys go into the key jar.

The point is, compulsive list makers never come home from the supermarket without the items they intend to buy. Imagine their annoyance when eventually they take three trips between two places before they remember why they went from one place to another anyway!

A lot of us, faced with these glitches, worry that Alzheimer’s is just around the corner. Experts are reassuring us that memory lapses are part of the normal wear and tear that goes along with middle age.

No one is exactly sure why memory goes downhill. It may be that we lose brain cells as we age or the remaining cells do not communicate with one another as effectively. But, the result is well known: mental gaffes cause embarrassment and inconvenience.

For example, Linda, 35, went to her son’s school with a big cake thinking it was Family Day. As it turned out, the schedule of the Family Day is set on the next day. Her son was surprised to see her and overjoyed when she brought out his favorite chocolate cake. Of course, she had to bring the same thing the next day, this time for real.

Mental Congestion
Attention is the gateway to retention. Multitasking makes it hard to commit things to memory in the first place. If the information does not get in to begin with, forget trying to save it and access it later. If multiple activities crowd your day, do not rely on your recall skills. Make lists, take notes, and ask others to do the same.

Interestingly, people tend to blame age, rather the busy nature of their work for their slips.

Take the common lapse of forgetting someone’s name. It happens to everybody, young and old. Names are difficult to handle because they are abstract. The person’s face and his name are not logical ideas for the brain to link together. According to neurologist Barry Gorden, M.D., Ph.D., the older we get, the more data we have to sort through in our brains. Some mental lapses are nothing but congestion.

Also, we blank on names because we know too many of them. Anxiety makes it worse by creating more traffic. That is why the name often pops into our minds later when the mental traffic has died down.

Types Of Memory
There are three kinds of memory, with each one responding differently to the aging process.

Episodic memory is for recalling the name of a restaurant or a movie plot from last week. It starts to decline in our early forties.

Semantic memory is the type that gives us the ability to collect and retain new facts and figures. It holds up pretty well, which is why we know what a blog is but forget your dentist’s address.

Procedural memory is for tasks we do automatically, such as playing the piano or driving a car. This is fairly resilient. So, even if we can’t think of our friend’s phone number, we can press the right keys on the phone’s pad.

Is Memory Lapse An Illness?
Certain medical problems can interfere with our ability to recall. These may include depression, high blood pressure, thyroid disease, a concussion, diabetes, and side effects from some drugs. While these can affect how we recall things, it does not mean that we can treat memory lapses the same way we treat illnesses. Improving our diet and lifestyle can help us get back on track.

Let us manage our stress. Try whatever works for us is yoga, gardening, walking, etc. Not only does tension distract you, making it hard to learn and remember things, but it also takes a direct toll on the brain.

Be aware of the reasons for such memory lapses and we will be more understanding and tolerant of our selves.

Some people will do anything to make your life miserable. You can find out how to finally stop difficult people from ruining your life by dominating, winning, and changing their hearts at the authors website at: http://www.dealing-with-difficult-people.com

Christmas is a very special time. This is a time when you would like to make people who are special to you know how much you love them. The best way to make this happen is by finding a unique Christmas gift for them. By definition, ‘unique’ means something that has no pair, no duplication anywhere else. Hence, this will not be an easy task, but let me tell you it has great rewards.

How to Find A Unique Christmas Gift

The question is wrong here. It should not be ‘how to find a unique gift’ but ‘what could be a unique gift’. Now that you have changed the perspective of our question, it will be easy for you to reach to the right answer. A unique gift does not need to be something that can be quantified. It could be in kind, it could be qualitative, and it could be just a concept.

For example, you give your wife a set of four coupons printed especially for the occasion gifting your services for any four occasions she wants to endorse the coupons. This would make your wife feel on cloud nine (of course, provided you keep your side of the bargain and do what she asks you to do without any comments or resistance when she “cashes” the coupons).

In similar lines, your unique Christmas gift could be an exotic pet for your mother; it could be a well-researched self-learning craft book for your son, or a miniature ship modeling kit for your husband. The unique Christmas gift for your children could be a complete day or weekend when you are only with them – with absolutely no disturbance form the outside world. The kids would always remember such a gift, for the rest of their lives.

Not all the unique Christmas gifts need to be a life-time-remembrance material. They could also be just plain joy like a picnic with the whole family getting together, or a mountain trekking or a cross country drive just for the fun of it.

You could also get a lot of happiness by making your Christmas an occasion where you do something for those who are less fortunate than you. You could go to a shelter for homeless, or find a family who lives on the road and spend the Christmas with them. Adopt them at the end of the day, and help this one family come up economically and socially. This unique Christmas gift would be one of the few gifts that would be more precious to you than the recipient!

Eddie Lamb provides an abundance of information on a range of topical subjects. We believe better understanding your area of interest helps your decision making process immensely. You’ll find a host of useful articles about Christmas gift ideas on our site at Christmas Gift Inspiration

When you think of Amish people, you think of horse-drawn buggies, plain clothes, barn raisings, farms and quilts. However, the Amish came rather late to the quilt making. Long after their neighbors were piecing quilts the Amish still used the old German featherbeds and coverlets. There was a good reason for this. Amish communities were formed so that the members could remain apart from the temptations of the modern world. At this time, quilts were considered something new and modern. But what is considered ‘modern’ changes over the years.

The Amish do gradually make changes as well, but often a few decades later. Amish quilt making is a good example of this. Very few quilts are known to have been made by the Amish before the 1870s. Then over 15 years quilting became quite common. It is now considered commonplace and expected in the Amish community.

As we follow the evolution of their quilt making we find that the Amish always used conservative styles compared to what was popular in quilting at any given time. The first Amish quilts were made in one solid color, of brown, blue, rust or black. Often worsted wools were used, and though the fabric was plain, the quilting done to hold the layers together was intricate and decorative. Swirling feathers, curves and grids were typical quilting patterns. So even though they had adopted the quilting process, they still did not do the modern art of colored swatches and patches.

Gradually some basic piecing and additional colors were added. For example a quilt may have had a large diamond in the middle of a dark fabric with only wide border around it. Fabric colors evolved to include pumpkin, olive green and an occasional dark red. These new colors were still deep and solid.

As the general population moved on to elaborate Crazy quilts the Amish adopted some of the more basic of the block patterns. Nine patch, Around the World, and Sunshine and Shadow were popular. Only solid colored fabric was used but with more varied colors. Amish quilts were made of wool or cotton, as popular silks were considered too worldly.

Most people assume that Amish quilts were done completely by hand but this was not the case. Many Amish quilts were pieced using a treadle sewing machine but the beautiful quilting was always done by hand.

Although most piecing was done at home, when the top was ready to be quilted it was often an occasion for women to gather around the quilting frame. This sense of community and the importance of complying with community standards had a great influence on Amish quilting.

Changes in how quilts were made occurred slowly and only with community approval. Interestingly, this also brought about a good deal of variety from community to community as each community had its own, often unwritten guidelines as to how things should be done. Pink or white fabric may have been considered unacceptable in a more conservative area, while drab browns may have been thought dull and old-fashioned in a more liberal one. A quilt made in one community might be put away or sold when the family moved to another one.

In the early twentieth century new brighter colors became available. During World War II natural fiber was hard to come by and the Amish had to turn to the synthetics available. As most of the nation turned away from quilting, considering it old-fashioned and a waste of time, the Amish continued the tradition.

The unique art of Amish quilting might have declined to utilitarian craft if it were not for the discovery of Amish quilts by the general population. In spite of so many buyers eager to purchase them, quilts are still made by the Amish for their own use. Women make quilts for weddings, babies, friends and fund-raisers.

More information on amish furniture

amish furniture

http://www.amishfurnitureweb.com

On a cultural level, most social conditioning, focuses on either repressing desires or permitting only a certain strain of desires. All this results in distorted desires and completely maladaptive emotions like fear, shame, and guilt.

As an organism advances in intelligence, so, too, does its desires. There are the basic desires of the body for food, clothing, shelter, sex, and social relationships. Then at a mental level, there are desires for more knowledge, creating art, appreciating music, and so on. Then on an emotional level, there are desires for love, friendship, and happiness. Finally, on a spiritual level, there is the desire for discovering the meaning of life and exploring the possibility of a higher consciousness.

It is the expression of all these desires that have created civilization as we know it today, and as these desires are allowed to expand, we will start to create even more refined and sophisticated expressions of ourselves.

However, the outflow and expression of these desires are often resisted, which results in a distorted view of things, conflicting and agitating emotions, and behavioral outbursts that are destructive.

What life seeks to do is express itself through desires. What various societies since the beginning of time appear to be doing is working to manipulate and control individual self-expression in favor of a collective agenda. This results in resistance to the natural expression of desire, and these distortions create psychological aberrations, both mental and emotional.

It has never been the desire of humanity to destroy itself, but because of the distortion of desires, this force has magnified to such an extent that the possibility now exists.

On an extreme scale, this amalgamation of repressed desires, has resulted in individuals choosing suicide and homicide and cultures choosing some form of genocide. This is not how nature intended desire to be used; it is an aberration of desire, where desire turns in on itself and becomes destructive.

When the life force is resisted it becomes anti-life.

A fallacy has often been spread by teachers and students of Eastern religions that desire is something to be repressed if one hopes to advance on the spiritual path. In Western religions, the tendency has been to try and channel the desires into certain chosen ideals.

Apart from the obvious point that it is itself a desire to be spiritually aware, this idea of repressing or selecting only favorable desires appears to have many other illogical features.

While it is possibly true that our attachments and aversions, the desire for things and the desire to avoid things, can cloud our vision of cosmic meaning and distract us from the purpose of probing our inner understanding of life, it is not true that desire itself is our enemy.

Everything that exists desires something because this is it’s expansive drive. The instinct of a primitive life form, like an amoeba, is desire. As life forms become more advanced, desires, too, multiply. In all animals, every animal has a strong desire to preserve itself. In human beings, a completely new hierarchy begins, and desires range from basic biological necessities to self-actualization.

There is a vital force in all of consciousness to express itself in a larger way, an expansive force, that over time evolves species. The consciousness behind life is seeking to express itself in larger ways through life forms.

In human beings desires that have been thwarted result in all sorts of aberrations, like apathy, grief, fear, lust, anger, and pride.

All these are, in fact, expressions of desires that have not been allowed to run their full course. They are desires that have been inhibited by individual and collective forces of will.

In fact, one can even offer an argument that all psychological and sociological problems arise from distorted desires, desires that have turned in on themselves like ingrown toenails.

Saleem Rana would love to share his inspiring ideas His book Never Ever Give Up tells you how. It is offered at no cost as a way to help YOU succeed. The Empowered Soul

One of the hidden gems of the Second World War is the story of how local volunteers watching the skies above England, Scotland and Wales helped saved many lives and brought about a change of fortune for the beleagured RAF.

Formed in 1925 in the South East of England, and expanded to cover more of the country throughout the 1930s, the Observer Corps acted as the “Eyes and Ears of the RAF”. Observer Corps posts were sited in all sorts of prominent positions, often on top of hills, so that the Observers could get good all round vision, and be able to spot any aircraft. The Corps plotted the movements of all aircraft in the skies over wartime Britain, friend or foe, enabling the limited resources of a battered Royal Air Force to triumph over Hitler’s Luftwaffe. The Corps’ contribution in the Battle of Britain was so significant that it was recognised with the award of its Royal title.

The work of the Corps continued throughout the war, saving many lives with the early warning of air attacks, but many members of the Corps were keen to be more involved with activity closer to the action. When the call was made for volunteers to join gun crews onboard defensively equipped merchant ships, 1400 men volunteered. Those that passed the rigourous training and testing were known as Seaborne Observers, and were involved in Operation Overlord, saving many aircraft from “friendly fire”.

In the course of filming two video documentaries about the Royal Observer Corps, “Tocsin Bang” (about the Cold War nuclear reporting role the Corps had) and its prequel “Sentinels of Britain” (the wartime story), we met many really interesting people, and heard plentiful fascinating stories! It is easy to forget that all those we have spoken to about their involvement in the wartime work of the Corps were between 16 and 25 at the time!

Bill Harford, who was on the Mevagissey Post in Cornwall told us,

“In 1942 I was a school boy at grammar school, and I was very, very keen on aircraft recognition and I came to join the Royal Observer Corps really by somebody listening on the bus to what I was saying as we were going to school, and reported it to the local Chief Observer, ‘there is a boy on the bus who is brilliant at aircraft recognition!’”

Joyce Shrubbs, a plotter and teller at the Bedford Centre adds,

“I think like every other young person I wanted to join the Services and I wanted to be in a uniform and feel that I was that I doing my part for the country. I was particularly interested in the Womens’ Auxiliary Airforce, but you had to be 18 to do that, so when I saw an advert in the local shop window, there was this huge advertisement, ‘Join the Royal Observer Corps and live at home’, and you only had to be 17 and my seventeenth birthday was coming up so I thought that’s for me. The uniform was the same colour as the Womans’ Auxiliary Airforce and same style and everything I just thought this is what I need to do. So I went along and joined actually on my seventeenth birthday. It did take an agonizing 10 days for it to be formalised but I did actually start on my birthday.”

“Sentinels of Britain” is the wartime story of the Royal Observer Corps, told by its members, the Observers who were there.

Andrew Denyer Produced and Directed “Tocsin Bang” and “Sentinels of Britain” with David Wakefield. More previews of the documentaries and information about the Corps can be found at www.cyclops-prods.co.uk

“Donate more to charitable causes and increase your own income at the same time…” said Mark Hendricks; a world renowned internet ‘GURU’, in a recent presentation.

Enriching the lives of those less fortunate than ourselves is a function that charitable organisations perform across the world and in some cases under extreme conditions. However, in order to maintain any level of service there has to be a constant and uninterrupted flow of donations. Maintaining a supply demand equilibrium of need to donations is an enormously complex task which requires meticulous planning. Even then it is fraught with difficulties. The associated costs of implementing any plan to increase donations eats into the funds being collected/donated.

Mark’s simple idea does away with all these unwanted costs… the supply management fraternity will call it a “Lean” concept without any fat. The costs of launching appeals and collection being the fat referred to in this instance. Here are the bare bones of the 90/10 rule:-

1)Decide on a figures which you can or are able to donate every year.
2)Donate that figures or amount to your preferred charity every year.
3)Then focus on increasing that amount.
4)Working to increase that amount will automatically increase your income.

This is how the idea works in practice.?

For this illustration, we have adopted a 90/10 rule. However, your rule can be 85/15, 70/30 or whatever goal you set yourself. (90/10… 10% being the figure which you have earmarked for donation to charities every year)

Using the above referred 90/10 rule, your charitable donation element is 10% of your annual income. Assuming an initial income level of $100,000 per year. Your pre-agreed donation; according to the 90/10 rule, is $10,000 per year. In order to increase that 10%, you need to increase your income… you could streamline your business by reducing and eliminating waste.. alternatively, you could improve your offer and increase sales revenue thereby improve your underlying profit.. As a direct result your annual income has now increased to $150,000 for the purposes of this illustration. The charitable element based on your new income level is now $15,000.

The chosen charity has gained another $5,000 in donations. The table 1.0 below shows how you as a contributor have benefited from this simple philosophy:-

Gross Income 10% for Charities Net Annual Income

$100,000 $10,000 $90,000
$150,000 $15,000 $135,000

Table 1.0

Increasing your 10% by $5,000, you have helped yourself because your 90% has now increased from $90,000 to a whopping $135,000. There is a net improvement of $45,000. This figure of $45,000 increase in your income is a testimony to the statement … if you help others the almighty helps you many times over.

Finally, to Mark Hendricks I say this…. Please please ‘Preach’ this idea to more and more people.

God helps those who help others. Helping others is the essence of charity and donations. Here is an idea for you. For more info. visit donations online at http://www.officialdonationsonline.com

I feel so strange right now. So many thoughts are racing through my mind. I don’t know why I am anymore. I just know I am.

Existence seems to be unimportant and seems to consist of nothing. I know I have a reason for being, but what is that reason? Singing, Music — who I am — it’s the way I feel, what I think. It’s who I am. But is that my real reason for being?

I sometimes wonder why I was put on this Earth. Why there is such a thing as life and what made it so. It is the same cycle, nothing ever changes.

Life and death. Then there is the in-between. I am in-between. AT times I feel like I was never really born, I have just always been.

I want to be different. Who am I? I mean really? Oh, I know I am a girl with ambitions. My features are the same as everyone else has, only a different combination.

I know how I feel and what I think. But what is my purpose? Is there a reason for that purpose? Do I make a difference?

Is there really such a thing as God? I used to think there was. It was a whole feeling, but now I question that felling. It’s not that I am against the idea of a God, but if He really exists, who is He? Did I believe just because I needed something to believe in?

I feel so empty right now, yet it can’t really be explained as such. Sometimes when I am sitting quietly, little voices will run through my brain. I never know exactly what they are saying. They start out soft and end up quite loud. I have to shout “Stop!” so I won’t hear them anymore. What do they mean? Am I going crazy? I don’t think so.

Anxiety I suppose, or so I have read. I am a mass of cells –= a structure. A mind. A body. What makes me tick? I have dreams, but I know that is not what makes me continue on.

I am so afraid, but I don’t know of what. My casual front is strong, but underneath I am tired, unhappy, frightened, and alone– always alone. I am surrounded by friends and family, but still, I am alone. Alone in my thinking. Alone in my soul. I am part of no one, and no one is a part of me.

Belonging to one person. To be protected, and cherished. Becoming one soul, yet remaining an individual. Lasting relationships – very scary. Maybe that person will find out who I really am and hurt me. But who am I, really? If I don’t know how can anyone else?

I’m not going through an identity crises. My feet are firmly planted in the ground. I just want to know my reason for life. For existence. Where am I headed and why. Is there such a thing as eternity? Life after death? Or do we just die and that’s the end. I don’t know what or who to believe in.

What is real and what is not? Maybe I am simply a shadow of something in another place. What is truth? Truth is what you choose to believe. But my truth may not be yours, and therefore either one of us could be mistaken.

What is real? Am I? But how do I know that I am real? Maybe I am an illusion in a game that is being played. I have been taught that what is real is tangible. Yet I am tangible, but am I real?

Reality is a truth, yet reality is not a tangible item. Everyone has their own concept of their own reality, or what they have been taught is real. But there again, it is someone else’ truth. God is supposed to be real, and yet he is not tangible.

Does that not go against what I have been taught? Faith in God and people must be the only answer to these endless questions. I fell like a ship that has never sailed and is tied up. I want to see the world through my eyes, not someone else’s. I am pitted against something, but what is that something? Maybe I am pitted against myself.

Copyright 1995

Jaci Rae is a #1 Best Selling author of The Indie Guide to Music, Marketing and Money and Winning Points with the Woman in Your Life One Touchdown at a Time. Book Jaci for your next show: and hit contact button for her publicist.

But with anything that you are learning and developing you need to do develop your psychic with balance, and caution. You must put a general statement to the universe of what you would like to handle. You set boundaries for what you can and can’t take in. You clearly define the boundaries of contact. You need to remember that at all times you are the one in control and you can stop contact at any time. You shut down your receiver and stop transmitting at will. You need to become aware of when you are physically drained, and vulnerable, and when you are stronger.

You must also become aware of how to ground yourself, when you need to put up a psychic shield or a wall and how to do this. You must firmly respect your own space and others. No one has the right to control you or bring you under his or her will. You don’t have the right to do that to anyone else either. Also only what you allow to take place can take place. If you don’t invite or allow contact, contact won’t happen. Some psychics that I knew in the past, refused to see anything visible like a ghost. They will only hear the words or hear the thoughts. Others are more open to seeing graphic images if it will help solve crimes, and stop the person responsible. But this is very advanced and it requires a very strong and courageous medium channel.

A technique of grounding that I read in James Van Praagh’s book Heaven, is to imagine that there is a silver cord tied to your tail bone and ankles and that it goes down to the center of the earth. It wraps around the core of the earth. Feel how the cord becomes firm and holds you to the earth. Feel that you are firmly planted on the earth and held by this silver cord. Say to yourself, “I’m fully grounded to the earth.” At this time you can reiterate to the universe and to anyone else out there of your boundaries, and that you can break off contact at anytime if these boundaries are crossed or if it no longer feels safe. Another technique of grounding is to imagine that you are wrapped in a cocoon of light, everything is filled with light and the light wraps around you. See that the psychic energy is contained in a column of light that passes through you directly into the ground, so that it doesn’t stay in you or on you.

At the end of any conscious psychic session it is necessary to cleanse the energy off you. You can do this by first placing your hands palms down on the top of your head and imagine that you are wiping off thick clear jelly from your head, face and neck. You always clear off to the sides or downward. Imagine as you pass your hands over that a pure white light is entering into each area that your hands pass over.

This jelly that you cleared off with your hands, you now put your hands together and make an action like you are cleaning off crumbs from your hands with a movement that is directed down to the earth. You can also flick your fingers downward as if you are shaking off water. Start again with your hands on your chest, and imagine that you are clearing off this thick jelly, wipe your hands together down into the earth.

Remember clean out to the sides and downward. Go back to your back, hips and buttocks, wipe off and clean your hands into the earth, and then go back to your arms. Do one arm at a time. You can make a downward brushing motion with your arms and legs. What you say within is “Thank you for this session. I now chose to conclude this session and I’m now clearing this energy into the earth.” copyright 2006 Yoga Kat

Yoga Kat teaches children’s yoga ages 3-6, 7-12yrs and Adults in NJ. The Author of the book DAUGHTER BELOVED and created a children’s affirmation CD and an adult affirmation CD. Available for speaking and reached at yogakat@verizon.net or 201 970-9340–COMING SOON -http://www.thecircleofpeace.com

In Part I of this two part series, I discussed how to find a date, how to perfect your online profile and discussion topics. In this part, I want to discuss relationships and how to succeed in one.

Once you have conquered the dating scene, how do you inspire the person who has sparked your interest in a relationship to want the same? That can be the hardest stepping stone for those who always seem to date, but never find a partner.

Why is that? There are many reasons that can factor into that. You may be giving off signals that say you’re too needy or desperate for a healthy relationship partner to be interested in or perhaps you’re drawn to the ‘dangerous type,’ better known as the serial dater or heartbreaker.

If any of these scenarios fit your description, you need to look is inside yourself and make a change. I am certain you’ve heard, “Before you can find the ‘right person,’ you must be the ‘right person.’” Sound familiar?

You can be given all the information you need to find someone but if you are the same person with the same values and belief’s about yourself you’ve always held, you will attract the same type you have always attracted in the past.

You have to be the right person naturally. You can’t make yourself into the right person, but improving your self-talk and how you feel about yourself will attract the right person for you. You will never be the right person until you are the right person, meaning that you have to make the way you think and feel about yourself right.

The law of attraction is: Similar kinds attract similar kinds. So first you must get your own life together and stop putting out the vibes of “I’m desperate to be in a relationship.” “If I could just find the one, I would be the one.” Or “Once I am in a healthy relationship I will be able to calm down and be happy.”

You need to calm down and be happy before you meet the right person or you will end up in the same cycle you have always been, “with the wrong person.” A rule of thumb is this: If you wouldn’t date or marry you as you are right now, why would anyone else? Change the way you feel about yourself inside and the rest will fall into place. You can’t be part of a great relationship until you are great yourself.

A simple step that may seem silly, but is highly effective is to step in front of your mirror and repeat several times a day the following (even if you are a man do this. No one will be watching you but you): “You are gorgeous darling!” “I love me so much!” (Throw your arms around yourself.) “I am worthy of the best!” and other affirming statements.

Remember that all statements are statements of self-disclosure. You will automatically attract what you believe about yourself both consciously and unconsciously. Did you know that our subconscious mind controls 87% of our thinking? Our conscious mind only controls 13%! If you have built in your subconscious mind with your conscious talk that you aren’t worthy, that’s what will be projected and you will attract those that aren’t worthy. This exercise is to reprogram your subconscious mind.

The next step is to change your pattern. While the man or woman you are dating may look different, sound different and come from an entirely different background from the other “bad relationships” you’ve had, are they really different? The philosopher George Santayana said, “Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it.” In other words, if you want the same results, do the same things you have always done. If you want different results then you’ve got to do something different!

To get different results you may need to ask outside advice from objective observers. If you have already changed how you feel about yourself you should be attracting different people. However, if you seem to still attract “bad relationships,” you may need a second opinion. Use someone you trust who is in a great relationship to offer their advice.

Now that you’ve changed how you feel about yourself, how do you keep a relationship an ever lasting one? With rumors flying about Britney Spears and Kevin Federline’s break-up on the horizon (what a shocker!); millions of pages dedicated to the separation and divorce of Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson (I was hopeful, but wary). Where is the hope for the rest of us?

How can we, as “mere mortals,” believe in ever lasting love? In the back of our minds we think that these celebrities have everything any couple could possibly need to enjoy the happiest “ever after” life imagined. I can’t tell you how many times I hear people say, “If only we had more money;” “A bigger house;” “If I were better looking;” “If I lost more weight;” “My life would be perfect;” “Our relationship wouldn’t have so much stress;” “I would be happy.”

We look at the famous and say, “They are the ‘beautiful’ people.” “They travel the world.” “They have beautiful mansions and lots of money.” “They have an army of people waiting to do their bidding: publicists, managers, accountants, housekeepers and chiefs.” “If only I were in their shoes.”

What a great example and lesson to all of us “not so fortunate” people who aren’t blessed with ‘their’ lives and the kind of money they posses; that neither money nor physical perfection makes a relationship happy or successful.

Time, effort and determination are what make a relationship thrive. I’m not implying that these celebrities don’t put the time and effort into their relationships needed, only that all the things we say, “If only we had…” won’t make our relationships last longer or be any happier than theirs were.

Key factors to a lasting relationship are laughter, a sense of humor about life as well as a lot of hard work. These three things have always been a common thread for every successful, happy, long-term relationship I have interviewed over the years. Every one of the couples state the same thing: Work hard; don’t go to bed angry, resolving “issues” right away; and laugh with each other often.

I was told that people who read the comic strips in their newspaper first live longer while people who head straight for the news or obituaries tend to live shorter lives. I haven’t been able to find the study that backs this up, but it makes sense. Most balanced comedians, without drug and alcohol problems, live longer lives and have happier marriages.

All of the steps listed here that take you from finding a date to ever lasting love are only a small sampling of ideas and help. Remember to start at the shallow end before you dive into the deep waters, a life vest may not always be available.

The last tip I will leave you with is something I call Soul Gazing. It’s the simple technique of gazing into your partner’s eyes. I usually recommend 15 minutes, but in the beginning, 2-3 minutes is fine. No talking, no looking away. I have seen this technique strengthen relationships that were already strong and help those relationships that were on the brink of disaster. Try it.

If you want to have the love you deserve, remember my simple rule: Love is a gift, it’s not a right. Love is a decision, it’s not a feeling. Make the decision to change how you feel about yourself and how you treat others and you too can have the lasting and deep love you deserve.

Jaci Rae is a #1 Best Selling author of Winning Points with the Woman in Your Life One Touchdown at a Time. Book Jaci for your next show: and hit contact button for her publicist.

Men tend to need physical contact to verify their relationships, while women tend to need an emotional connection to validate theirs. Men need that tactile moment that will break the emotional barrier for them and women need emotional stimulation to break the ice with them.

Men are more visual and women are more auditory. You can see the conflict that arises and why it seems harder for men to create a friendship with a woman than visa versa. For the visual person it can be hard. Even if you are a visual person and cannot change your initial reaction to external stimuli, you can become a seeker of emotional intimacy before you dive into the physical realm.

To help achieve emotional intimacy, thereby becoming a better friend, you need to nurture your partner’s soul by honoring him / her and validating who your partner is. Here are a few ways to do that: